“I may be making a bad decision. I may be doing it all wrong. I may regret everything. But all I know is I’ll keep on moving on.” This is my drama for the week. A realization that sometimes-in life, we have to make difficult decisions. It’s not making a choice that’s difficult. The hard part is actually living the decision. The “make it happen”. The no look back…

I ask a lot of advices, tips and even comments from others mainly because I can’t trust myself. I, as a person, have a lot of ideals. I usually fight the devils within me. You might relate them as the mind and soul, the beauty and the beast, the heart and head, and so on. However, the point here is that they are real and they are inside of me.

It’s hard to think straight especially when your heart tells you different things while the brain buckles the heart, not allowing it to jump off the cliff. And at this crucial point of my life, a comparison to a roller coaster is an understatement. This is not just a ride. This is a tragedy. 

(To the special one) I remembered telling your friends to allow you to go through the process. I suggested that instead of running. I preferred that you try to face it on your own - to figure out things by yourself. The reason for these actions of mine was not actually selfish. It was never to my intent to hold you back. Instead, I was actually afraid of myself - afraid that the idealistic Dave may show, the unforgiving one, the brain over matters, the Dave who is final.  I thought at that time, “I couldn’t allow that to happen.” I don’t want to become such a person just because of your actions… But it soon became too late.  I have given too much thought. I concentrated on the hurt enough, focused on logic…

I am now full of conviction. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), that kind of Dave is what’s presently in me. I will live to this decision. This may be a mistake but the lessons are undeniably important. This will be my ground for takeoff.

Here goes for a not so certain future. Cheers Dave! 

These past few days have been tormenting me. And Yes, I never expected everything to end this way.  It’s sad but I have to move on, pack my bags and face a new tomorrow, a new dawn, a new day. I plan to write this as a memo of how this major event will change the whole of me for the rest of my life.

FIrst, let me tell you about love. Love is as sweet as it gets. When I first met her, I already knew that she was the embodiment of it. So far in this life, I have truly loved one girl.

Like all love stories, it started really awesome. We had those moments, we shared dreams, we started to think of the future. And I admit, the future seems to be not so bleak anymore. We stayed there “safe” and secure. However, this does not mean it would stay that way…

I’m happy we reached several years. I mean 4 years is quite a long time, right? I was really proud of her. She was the best I ever had. She’s worth all the love in the world. Unfortunately, I haven’t given her much. I drained her emotionally because of my needs, and some insecurities.

I couldn’t believe what I’ve done. I had love at its best but I took it for granted… I asked myself why? It’s so unlikely of me, to lose zeal,  to be so selfish..

What I realized was I was weak all along. I was living in a secure zone with her, and I relied so much on it. I was still a child that refused to grow. Though I feared less about the future, I still feared. These were enough to consume me.. I faltered.

I read somewhere that what you see and like now at the age of 23 or 24 may not be the same when you reach 28. I guess this is pretty true. When a person is in a relationship, one should know that it’s not just about love and affection, it’s about growth. A person should continue to grow, continue to dream even in a relationship. After all, it’s about you as a person and not just always the both of you.

Unfortunately, at a young age, most of us don’t know what we really want, just yet.  I am kinda guilty. I got so many things in mind. So many things to achieve and so many dreams to catch. It felt like a race… Unfortunately, we were not on the same track…

Moreover, love is all we need. But it doesn’t mean we have to take it from somewhere else. And it also does not give you the permission to suck it from someone else. We are sufficient enough to love ourselves. This is a thing I need to learn.

To love others, you must first love yourself. You don’t have to rely on others to love you. You should be sufficient enough for you. If possible, one should pour himself with love. Though I’m not talking about narcissistic love. I’m talking about confidence in self, sufficiency, reliability, and trust. These are signs of love and maturity. And once you’re filled with it, it won’t be long till it bursts. And when it does, you then know it’s the right time to give love. 

Love is what fills the heart, it nourishes it. I loved her, but I haven’t nourished her heart. I demanded for its love leaving a dead heart. In a relationship, may it be in a couple kind of relationship or friendship, love should be given and shared. But most importantly, one should always give love. The more you love the more love comes back. I know I talk somewhat nonsensical right now, but yes, it’s basically how it works. 

I hope this piece will remind me of my thoughts today. I wanted to grow and love more for I dont want to hurt any more people that I cared most in this present and in the future. It’s best to be this way. Oh well, lessons and failures are what make us strong.

As for now, it’s time to move on and welcome a new chapter of my life. 

• No traffic discipline, both vehicles and peds

There’s no actual pedestrian lane, maybe not in the entire phil but it’s quite prominent here in Cebu. Vehicles don’t slow down, people drive as if they don’t know what these lanes are for (or maybe they really don’t.. ouch). Also, jay walking is the thing of the past, people just cross the streets whenever they want to. And don’t you ever honk on them, they’ll give you the “sign” - thinking all they’ve done was right and abiding. BEAUTIFUL! 

• Unmindful burning of garbage and waste

Its’ unhealthy to both people and to the earth itself. Never mind me coughing every time i inhale the smoke, let’s just focus on global warming. We’re just paving the way to self destruction people. And isn’t there a law banning this kind of practice? Geez..

• And lastly, throwing of dead dogs and cats on the road in the hopes that they’ll be gone the next morning. 

WTF?! Come on, let’s change these habits guys. They’re obnoxious and they totally show how stupid we are. 

Yes, end of the world is near and what will be the cause of it? - nothing else but zombie apocalypse, of course! i remembered tweeting something like this before - “i’d love to see the end, with humans at the mercy of the undead race - zombies ftw.”

THese thoughts can perhaps be blamed from me watching the series “the dead walking” (the walking dead) straight on a 24-hour window. I like it and i couldnt imagine anything else for world annihilation. I mean, it is way too cool to have such end. Imagine ~ us running but it’s too late…  our friends (and families) are already zombies, and if we do meet them in our room or on the streets, we’re left with no choice but to hit them blank straight to their heads before they make the first bite. Yeah it’s sardonic as fock. 

By that time, I could perhaps use an axe or arrows (if ever i invent one) to kill those brain eaters because i dont have a gun at my disposal. Also, the noise coming from the gun shot will only attract the mindless hordes. In this dire situation, I wouldn’t forget to pack some chocolate bars (snickers!) and bottled water along.

The big question however is, “Where to run?”

Me and my girl were deliberately debating this for so long now.. “Where to go to survive this type of apocalypse?” (only because it’d be boring if we dont put up a fight and die so early)

I remembered us discussing Rooftops and water tanks, but those turn out to be bad ideas - either you die during the day because of heat stroke, or die just because of plain hunger. In addition, zombies will someday learn how to climb ladders or perhaps how to do some parkour - all these obviously because of their insatiable hunger for flesh. so yeah, climbers are doomed! 

My pick? I’d go straight to mactan, cebu. If i get there in one piece, i’ll immediately hop on to some functional banca (boat). In a jiffy, I’ll be speeding off to the nearest (or farthest) island while crossing fingers that the islanders are not infected yet. if the odds are on my side, i’d stay there for good. I just have to make sure good resources are available to survive for years, which i know is not possible. Anyhow, at least I’ll be swimming and having a good time till the resources runs out. 

But if in the case that zombies are already sprawling all over that island, then probably I’ll do a quick scan and see if i along with my fellow survivors can kill them. If this option is still negative, then we head off to another island and so on. Luckily for us (pinoys), we have thousands of islands for us to choose from. So yeah, that’s how i will survive. And to drag, i’ll perhaps colonize the island and make some rules to avoid infection. By this time, i’ll just hope and pray that zombies wouldn’t learn how to swim and someday get to the island. That’s scary!

However, If all else fail, then i’m very much left with no choice but to use plan z. that is to stay at home and plant plants at the backyard - i’ll trust them to take care of the rest. :p

So much for that, what will be your strategy to survive such apocalypse? Comments are welcomed. 

btw you should watch highschool of the dead, best zombie anime series evah.